In the hard minute

How do I stop thinking about porn?

You do not have to win a fight with every thought. A thought is not an order. You can notice it, name it and still choose, and you can give your mind something else to look at, so the picture fades on its own.

A thought is not an order

“I deserve it.” “No one will know.” “Just this once.” These can feel like orders. Acceptance and commitment therapy, called ACT, teaches a third way between arguing and obeying: put “I am having the thought that” in front of it. “I am having the thought that I deserve this.” The thought can stay. The choice is still yours.

In a small trial, men who felt their porn use was a problem got 12 sessions of ACT or waited. Viewing fell about 93% with ACT, against 21% for those who waited.

Replaying it turns the pull up

Going over it in your head, the time, the place, the details, is like a highlight reel, and the reel always looks better than the real thing. Researchers call it desire thinking, and across studies of drinking, smoking, gambling, time online and porn use, more of it went with stronger craving. When you catch the replay, name it: “That is the replay.”

Crowd out the picture

Your mind has a small screen for pictures, and an urge needs that screen to grow. Give it another job. Researchers found that cravings draw their power from what the mind pictures, and that tasks for the eyes and hands take that space. In a week-long study, three minutes of a block game after each craving lowered cravings by about 14 points out of 100, and it kept working all week. You are not fighting the thought. You are filling the space it needs.

One thing to do tonight

Pick your line now: “I am having the thought that ___.” Next time the thought shows up, say it, then give your eyes and hands one minute of something real: a puzzle, a few rows of a block game, or five things you can see.

How Daybook helps

In Daybook’s SOS, Fit the shapes gives your eyes and hands a puzzle for a minute, and 5-4-3-2-1 brings you back to the room. Your words shows you a line you wrote on a calm day, right when the hard moment needs it.

Daybook is free, with no ads and no tracking, and it works with no account.